31 weeks, 5 days and counting….
I woke up with this urge to write and to post today but without any clear direction. It has been a while and I feel terribly out of practice. Plus I have hardly been doing any of my usual activities so what do I have to share? Where is my focus? Honestly right now my focus is just to get through this week. It has been a whirlwind of emotions and decision making and lack of sleep.
I have been looking through old posts and pictures (not to mention Facebook does an amazing job of reminding you how awesome you were doing this time last year or two or three years ago) reminiscing about my enthusiasm for creating healthy, delicious meals and snacks as well as making exercise part of my everyday life – whether by running or trying various cross training activities. I am 31 weeks and 5 days pregnant and while most days I feel pretty darn good and still manage to walk almost 2km to work each morning I still feel like I’ve fallen off the wagon…in a big way.
I’m sure others can relate to this mentality, while pregnant (and not pregnant of course), of making excuses for not making time for physical movement or for making poor eating choices. I guess I am a little hung up on the fact that I had quite a clear picture of what my pregnancy was going to look like that I am having a bit of a hard time letting that go and just embracing what it actually is. There are probably people reading this thinking ‘you are halfway through your last trimester time to let it go’ or ‘get over yourself’ or ‘you should be grateful to be pregnant at all no matter what it looks like’ and so on.
Don’t get me wrong – I am unbearably grateful to be pregnant and absolutely love it every day. But I am also trying to be honest about the other things going on for me that maybe I am ‘not supposed’ to talk about but are things I imagine other women struggle with too.
I am feeling a little bit lost this week, feeling a little bit off, at the same time feeling overwhelmed by how much my life is going to change in a few weeks. I am struggling with being able to identify who I am right now aside from an incubator for my littlest love. Which, just to be clear, is the one of the best things I have every done! All of the things I used to identify myself with seem to have been put on hold. For various reasons, some excuses, but pretty much all in my control.
I have not just fallen off this wagon I jumped and took off running without looking back! I have been eating basically anything I feel like it. This is a result of accepting the whole ‘just eat whatever you want – now is the time to do it’ mentality 🙁 I have been eating meat and dairy and wheat on a fairly regular basis which is the opposite of what I had imagined my diet would look like during pregnancy. And I know those foods do not leave me feeling healthy or energetic. I planned to continue eating a mostly vegan plant based diet with limited sugars with hopes to introduce our little guy to a range of flavours while in utero.
I was going to be the running-and-yoga-doing-mom-to-be-goddess throughout my pregnancy while looking amazing and staying fit and flexible. Needless to say that isn’t the case. Far from it actually.
My (physical) yoga practices can be counted on the fingers of one hand and it has been months since my last one. Though I have managed to walk to work nearly every morning and I did visit the gym a few times more recently. Also I do want to point out that I do think I look amazing and am in complete awe that my body is capable of growing a tiny human 🙂
The nursery. Where one day our little baby will reside. I had big plans for how it was all going to get done before his arrival and I haven’t done a thing to it since painting last fall. In all reality I am pretty ok with that because we have decided to replace the drywall and insulate one of the walls. There may be some other chaos happening with a newborn this summer anyway. We are at the beginning of doing our main bathroom renovation and it is going to be mighty tight to have it completed before D-day! Fingers crossed!
I am starting to feel the urge to get nesting! The desire to clean and organize our house from top to bottom is in full swing and has been for a while. I figure the less stuff we have the less clutter and less clean up we have to do. Aspiring to be more minimalistic will only leave more space for family time and the activities we love to do 🙂
So what I am I going to do about it?
21 Days of Gratitude
After looking back on some old posts and pictures on Instagram and Facebook I think it is time to do another 21 days of gratitude! Doing this helps me to slow down and pay attention to what is going on around me.
I started the #21daysofgratitude today and am looking forward to making time for these reflections 🙂
Part of why I have been making poor food choices is simply because it is easy. It is far easier to grab take out or use ready-made meals than it is to take the time to prep and cook. Taking time to sit down on a Sunday and plan some meals for the week is really important. It takes the stress away because we know what we are having and there is no last minute ‘what are we going to make for dinner’ panic. It also means writing a grocery list so we are only buying what we need which cuts down on extra food costs plus we don’t waste near as much food.
A bit random but I made a vegan chocolate cake last night (from the Oh She Glows Cookbook) and it worked out so well! The best part was how much I enjoyed making it and it really inspired me to take more time for creativity in the kitchen and trying new recipes!
Every recipe I have tried from Angela’s cookbooks work so well and turn out amazing!
Making sure that I communicate regularly with my other half and family is really important. No one is a mind reader and I can’t expect people to know what I want or need especially while pregnancy hormones are all over the place! Identifying what I want/need help with takes a lot of stress away and lets other people be involved in the process too.
Practice Loving Self-Compassion
Take time for myself. This can look like so many things: sitting, connecting with my baby, meditating, walking, yoga, gym, reading, doing birth visualization and so on. I have ordered a couple of books about childbirth, parenting, and a plant based cookbook that I can’t wait to read.
Allowing myself to feel – all kinds of feelings – has been a real challenge for me. I have never cried so much or so regularly at sometimes the smallest things. Giving myself the space and permission to do has been really therapeutic though and has let me connect with people in a way I don’t usually.
But really at the end of the day love is what is actually important and as long as we are practicing that every day then the rest doesn’t matter quite as much 🙂